Calmness and serenity (week 38)

Pace of life has slowed dramatically since the beginning of maternity leave on Monday. I started off the week in a flurry of motivation, working up a spreadsheet of meals to cook each day, cleaning the house and ordering all the remaining bits and bobs I need for the baby from Amazon (I am conflicted about this having previously ranted about the pitiful amount of tax they pay in the UK, but you can’t get everything you need on the high street and in truth, costs would go through the roof without them).

I also went swimming and met up with my NCT girls. We all sat outside a Lebanese restaurant by the river in Kingston with our sizeable bellies – comparing notes, concerns, niggles, cloth nappy strategies, pram options etc…

There was a table of women next to us who all had babies of the same age – maybe six months old. It was strange. Like looking at a future echo of our own group, we observed.

One of them took a picture of us all lined up against a wall, standing sideways with our bumps proudly protruding. We are all laughing. The sun is shining and we look so happy and nervous.

I’m very glad I signed up to NCT as I think I would be lonely and isolated without knowing those girls were close by and experiencing the same emotions as me. I’ve been off work for a meagre week with only my own company and I’m already starting to feel very insular.

Yesterday the only person I spoke to all day was the butcher. She looked at my stomach and said ‘steaks for two?’ and I laughed and said ‘for three’, thinking of myself, the baby and Jake – but then realised she thought I was having twins. I was too awkward and flustered to correct her – so I will now have no choice but to procure another child to wheel in there with my own after she’s born, in order to prevent her thinking I’m some kind of delusional looney.

During the course of the week my productivity has slowed and the hours available in a day seem to have diminished. By 2:30pm this afternoon I felt so tired. I crawled into bed for a cat nap and woke up to the sound of the Amazon delivery man ringing my buzzer. I looked at my phone and it was a quarter to five. I’d had the most intensely deep and dreamless sleep. As I lay trying to muster to energy to lift my bulk, I felt paralysed with other-worldly calmness and serenity. Like how I would imagine a shot of morphine would make me feel. I wonder whether that will ever happen again.


4 thoughts on “Calmness and serenity (week 38)

  1. This made me chuckle Jess. Great to hear you have some NCT pals nearby – they really will be a lifeline after the baby is born. You can all compare ‘night-shift’ notes and general ‘panics’ about what on earth you are supposed to be doing ๐Ÿ™‚ But don’t worry, you are gonna love it and remember to follow your instincts rather than all that ‘so called advice’ out there. You’ll find your own way and your baby will certainly let you know when she is unhappy. Wishing you a straightforward and ‘uneventful’ labour (in the nicest possible way). Lots of love from your fellow preggers pal. Lisa X ps. if you fancy a pre baby chat anytime give me a buzz. I’m free most afternoons…

    • Thanks Lisa! Nervous, but ready. I am planning on adopting the instinct strategy from now on. I read so much stuff in the first half of my pregnancy I just feel at saturation point and am just going to wing it from here on! Can’t believe you are on number two, hope you are feeling well. Look forward to seeing Stanley’s little sibling ๐Ÿ™‚ I may well take you up in your pre baby chat offer – and potentially post baby chat depending on my panic levels after she comes home! Xx

  2. from everything I hear from friends – and my Mum who’s still in touch with some of her group 30 years on – NCT is amazing. Just to have people to meet for coffee & cake with … It’s one thing I’m missing hugely having an expat baby. Hope the last 2 weeks go smoothly and your baby is here safe & well before you know it ๐Ÿ™‚

    • Hope you can find a group amongst the expat community – where abouts are you? Sometimes, just knowing there are people around if you need them, even if you don’t actually end up seeing them, makes things a lot easier. Baby still not here, but savouring the alone time and the deep sleeps ๐Ÿ™‚

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